Good Morning Girls!  Wow, does it feel good to say that.  I logged on to my blog account and it said the last entry was 48 days ago.  Forty eight days.  That sounds like a long time to me.  It took me a moment to register it.  Forty eight days.  What have I accomplished since the last time I wrote?  What have I accomplished in the last 48 days?  What progress have I made?  What decisions have I made?  What goals have I reached?  What victories have I experienced? 
The answer to those questions are nothing, none, and not much.  Now, my personality has the tendency to look at that and panic.  The initial thoughts are "I have wasted time" "I have lost ground" "I must work double time" "Maybe I should write out some serious crazy goals and knock them out to redeem myself".  But I refuse to go down that road.  So hey- I guess that is a check mark in the "small victories" column!
I have spent a lot of time thinking about my summer (and it's not even over- how sad).  Trying to pinpoint exactly how I've been feeling, and what I've been thinking and doing.  I guess I can best describe it as I feel like a beach ball that is stuck on an ocean wave.  Take a moment and try to picture it.  One minute I am really close to shore, almost there, and then suddenly I am pulled out further away from it.  A moment later I am drifting in again.  I roll a little bit onshore and then a bigger wave comes and takes me back out further.   My faith is the beach and the Lord is the little kid standing on the beach with open arms trying to retrieve his ball as it draws into him, and watching it once again float away, eagerly waiting for another chance to scoop it up.
Now He could swim out and retrieve me, but he doesn't.  Instead he keeps a close eye on me, ready to go in after me if I get to that point of no return.  The point where I am forever carried away, only to turn up on the beach down current, in who knows what kind of condition.  No, He doesn't dive in after me.  He waits....patiently.  He waits and he watches.  Watches to make sure I do not crash against the rocks and deflate and sink.  He waits and he watches.  Watches and waits.
And now He has me! By faith I am confessing that I have made it back to shore.  By faith I confess that my color has only faded slightly.  By faith I confess that I am a little deflated but with one breath of life I am good as new!  By faith I logged on to write this morning.  By faith I typed "Good Morning Girls".  By faith I have a Word for you all.  By faith I will live my life today.  By faith I see mountains moving.  By faith I see the "victories" column filled.  By faith MY faith has been restored.  And I am riding home in the family wagon, secure in the Lords lap, who is so happy he didn't lose me that he holds on tight to me the whole way home.
So Girls, if any of you can relate to this, please come to shore.  There is no guilt or condemnation. There is no looking back (other than to learn, which we will be doing this week).  Drifting and wavering is an awful feeling.  Not only does it leave you seasick, but it causes instability in all areas of your life.  I've been feeling it most of the summer, not quite able to pull out of it.  I have been trying to put it to words.  Then, after giving you all my analogy, the Lord quickened to my heart the Word for today.  It is not the Word I originally had.  I believe the Holy Spirit gave me this analogy because it is right out of the Word (though I didn't remember it at the time).  It is reassuring  because to me it means He knew that we would experience this feeling in our Christian walk from time to time.  He knew, and He wants us to come to shore- for our own good.

James 1: 6-8  But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone.  Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.  Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Your humble beach ball,

Jen