Good Morning Girls!   So for the last few months Matthew 6:33 has been stirring in my mind and spirit.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  Every time I felt discouraged this verse would come to my mind.  When Pastor Mac started his new series and used this verse as one of the foundations of the series, you would think that would have been exciting confirmation for me.  In a way it was.  I knew in my heart, that this verse summed it all up.  It addressed all the things I was struggling with.  It is a simple, easy to understand scripture- Put God first, He will take care of you.  Not much room for misinterpretation.  So really, I should have had a worry free, care free, forward progress summer.............. (key word being should have)
Here's the problem (well actually you will eventually see I had a lot of problems) with this verse (had as in no longer have).  It says: and he will give me everything I need.  Now I know in my heart that this is true.  I know it because I have seen it play out in my life daily for over a year now.  God has provided us with everything we need.  It's just that somewhere along the line I got tired of God simply giving me everything I needed.  I decided that God should start giving me everything I want!  Now keep in mind, I did not see this as it was happening.  It's only now that I've got my head on straight and my heart open that the Holy Spirit is revealing to me what was going on. 
So I got tired of having my basic needs met.  I wanted more.  A few years back I could get anything I wanted, whenever I wanted.  I felt I had been a good sport for a long time, but now I was done.  My patience had been tested long enough.  I wanted my life the way it was, and I wanted it now.
 Well, as you can guess, that's pretty much when things started going south.  Now don't go getting wild images of me at strange pagan rituals denouncing God and such!  It wasn't like I completely lost faith and turned away from God.  No, it was more subtle than that.  And if you ask me, more dangerous.  You see, if I had been going to virgin sacrificing pagan rituals someone would have been able to pull me aside, shake me up and say "What in the name of Jesus are you doing!!!"  NO, my struggle was more subtle.  It was well hidden.  It came off sounding "spiritual" and justified.  I used my best sales girl pitches to convey my frustrations without sounding as though I was acting like a whine ball pagan baby who was simply trying to get her own way.  No, I sounded like a model Christian quoting scripture and smiling- nobody could see into my heart that was thinking "but He better deliver soon or I am outta here!". Nobody except the Lord that is.  To tell you the truth, I didn't even care.  "Let Him see how frustrated I am".  I thought.  "Maybe then he will deliver!".
Now I imagine some of you reading this and your jaw is hanging open and you are saying "Oh.....my.....gosh......".  And to you, I hope you never experience what I am talking about.  Maybe my story will help you have compassion on someone else who goes through this.  Maybe you will see the signs. But I believe in my heart there are more of you that are nodding your head up and down and maybe even crying a little- thankful that you are not the only one who has felt the same way.  It is for you that I am willing to share all.  I am not proud of the fact that my thought life got away from me.  I am not proud, but I am also not condemned or guilt ridden.  The Word says God will use all things for good.  Well, Girls, the devil tried to lure me away, and the Lord is fighting back by helping others who may be in, or soon be tested in the same area.  With that I will say: to be continued.............

Proverbs 24:16  The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again.

Off the ground and running-

Jen