I remember the first time I posted one of my messages on my blogspot.  I was trembling as I hit the "publish" button.  I wanted to throw up.  I was about to put my thoughts, my beliefs out there.  Where-I don't know- just out there.  Out where someone who doesn't know me and like me might read them and think I am a whacked out nut job.  Worse yet, there was a place for readers to comment on what I had written.  I had this fear that I would log on to my blog and there would be a message for me that read: "Jen, I don't know who you think you are, but you have got it all wrong.  You have no idea what you are talking about.  You are trivial.  You are stupid.  Please leave the preachin' to the professionals.  I hope no one denounces their faith after reading this crap!".  To say I was a little insecure in the beginning is an understatement.
I just now looked up my first message and read for the first time in almost 2 years.  Reading it was like reading someone else's words.  I didn't remember any of it.  It was only one paragraph long, and was about  the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with perfume while those around her criticized her and complained that she was wasting money.   The point I made was that she did not stand up and try to defend herself.  She continued with what she knew in her heart was the right thing to do.  Jesus was her defender, just as He is our defender today.  I ended with the verse I said I wanted the Lord to say about me someday.  Matthew 26:13 I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman's deed will be remembered and discussed.
Looking back at my first blog, I laughed at how scared I had been.  I hadn't written anything that would have warranted comments like the ones I had imagined in my mind.  It just goes to show that the Devil will always make things seem scarier than they are.  He will always blow things up out of proportion.  I have had my fair share of mental torture rounds with the Enemy, so despite my fear, I hit the "publish" button, and posted my message.
You will never believe what happened......Nothing!  Absolutely nothing!  It was both a relief and a sad revelation.  I was obviously relieved that nobody called me a trivial idiot.  But once the initial feeling of relief subsided, I had a whole new revelation.  A truth I am reminded of daily.  A truth that I am both thankful for, yet often still shocked by.  And the truth is: I am not the center of the Universe!  It's hard to believe isn't it?   I think deep down inside I was hoping that maybe my message was so anointed that people all over the world that day were going to be "led" to this message.  Their lives would be changed, and they would e-mail me and tell me how I had inspired and restored their faith in just one paragraph!  There would for sure be at least 3 offers from various Christian organizations that wanted me to post messages for them.  "Sure, I will do some freelance work for you......what organization did you say you were from.....oh, Joel Osteen's church in Lakewood?  He wants to take some time off from writing and was hoping I could fill in for a while......yeah, I think I can do that.....I'll have my people contact your people" (my people being my 5 and 3 year old).
Aren't we interesting little creatures?   On one hand I was totally afraid that I would be discredited.  On the other hand I was secretly hoping I would be "discovered" and thus catapult my writing ministry.  However, neither one happened.  What did happen was much worse.  I received no comment.  No comment!  This means one of two things.  Either no one read my message, or they did and were not moved by it.  "I would rather have them hate me than ignore me" I  thought in the very dramatic way my mind works.  But that's not even true.  Truth is, if you are not going to love me, I would rather we never met.
When I say I was secretly hoping to be discovered, it is not out of pride.  It doesn't come from a desire to be rich, or famous.  It isn't because I want people to think I am some spiritual giant.  Someone who can shed more light on the Word of God more than all of the great Bible scholars out there.  That is not it at all.  It simply comes from the basic human need we all have.  That is, the need to be   acknowledged and understood.  The need to be loved. The need to have someone we look up to and admire say "hey Girl, you're doing good.  I get what you are saying, and I like it."  That's really all it is.   We all have this need, whether we are aware of it or not.  Whether we are willing to admit it or not.  It's there, in each and every one of us.  It is the thing that drives us.
The problem is, we keep looking to other people to meet that need.  It doesn't work.  I know this because I spent a majority of my life trying to meet this need.  The need to be loved, acknowledged, and understood.  I'm now thinking of that old country song "Looking for love in all the wrong places".... Yes, that was me.  Looking for love, in all the wrong places.  Looking to people, things, drugs, food.  You name it, I looked there.....but I never found it.
You see, it's not just about love.  Love alone is not enough.  It's about hitting the tri-fecta....love, acknowledgment, and being understood.  There are many people who love me.  But somehow my need is still not met.  For example,  I know my husband loves me.  I don't doubt that for a second.  If I am mad at him it is not because I think he doesn't love me.  It is because he either isn't acknowledging me the way I want him to, or he doesn't understand what I am saying, thinking, or feeling.   You know what I mean.  How many times have you shared a story with your girlfriend and she says "they (as in men), just don't get it".  It's that "just don't get it" part that drives us insane.  It's that "just don't get it" part that makes us feel as though there is something wrong with us.  It is the "just don't get it" that makes us say "yeah....and they are not gettin any either", if you know what I mean.  Now I am not picking on the men here.  I know full well that I frustrate Tom because I don't understand his mind either.  I know he thinks I look at things one sided at times.  That's not it at all.  I just look at it from a Girl side.  I can't help it if it just happens to be right all the time.
So the Beatles were wrong after all.  We do need more than love.  We also need to be acknowledged, and understood.  And there is only one Man fit for the job.  One Man who can make us feel like we are in fact the center of the Universe.  One Man who can love us so much He would give his only Son to die for us.  One Man who can truly understand even our most crazy, whacked out thoughts and feelings (trust me, I've a few I don't even understand).  It only makes sense that the One who created us, would be the only one to fill these basic needs.  The needs that drive our every move.  Whether we are aware of it, or not.
I am well aware that God is the only one who can meet these needs for me.  When I take time to sit and talk to Him from my heart, and relax enough to receive His presence, my needs are met.  He never disappoints.  Still, there are times when I seek this fulfillment elsewhere.  Sometimes I want my needs met by a tangible person.  Someone who I can wrap my arms around and smell what flavor bath and body works lotion they are wearing (wow, that was random wasn't it?).  Someone whose eyes I can look into see their love, acknowledgment, and understanding of me.  Someone who can give me an audible response.  A response that cannot be questioned later as to whether or not I heard it correctly, or just heard what I wanted to hear (and yes, I am aware that there is misunderstandings in verbal communications.  I'm married remember.  I am just talking about the times when you think you hear that still small voice of the Lord, but later question it and think maybe it was just your stomach growling).
I believe God understands this need.  The need for something tangible.  That is why He has placed in my life a few, and I mean few, people who do in fact truly love, acknowledge, and understand me in a way I have never been loved, acknowledged, or understood before.  He has placed them in my life so when I am too worked up to sit, and relax, and listen to Him, I can go to these God appointed people and have my immediate needs met.  Once they meet my needs enough to put me at peace, I can go have my quiet time with the Lord and get the true fulfillment.  I don't know where I would be without these God appointed women in my life.  I have the feeling I would be curled up on my living room floor, sucking my thumb a lot.  It would not be good.
As much as these women can meet my immediate need, even they cannot truly understand what I am feeling and experiencing.  There will always be a bit that is "lost in translation".  That is why it is so important to return to the Father and allow Him to meet our needs.  He is truly the only One who can understand us even more than we can understand ourselves. 
The problem is, sitting and spending time in prayer and in the Word takes time.....time that we "busy" people don't always have, or more accurately, time we don't want to give.  So instead of having our needs completely met, we run around half full all the time.  When we feel ourselves getting low we go to another person to get built up.  This sustains us for the moment, but soon we have to go to someone else to get a fix.  We spend more time and energy calling girlfriends and re telling our sad story to get a mini fill than the time we would have spent before the Lord getting the real deal. 
I believe God created us this way because it pleases Him to lavish his unfailing love on us.  He wants us to come to Him for this fulfillment.  The more we allow Him to meet these needs, the more we trust that He will meet all of our needs.  Not just our emotional needs, but our day to day, practical needs.  Once we have full revelation of how much He loves us, we don't doubt for a second that He has good things planned for us.  We no longer worry about the troubles we are faced with.  We know that He will provide for us.  We know, just as David knew in Psalm 23 The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.